I'm so sorry that I have been so very quiet for the past few weeks. It's been a very difficult time as I adjust to devastating loss of my dad. Two weeks ago today I received that phone call that we all dread. My mom was on the phone crying hysterically from the hospital saying that my dad had stopped breathing and he was in the ICU on life support and to please call her. "What????" I had just been on the phone with them 45 minutes earlier and I was chatting with my dad and everything was perfectly fine. This just couldn't be happening!!! I called my mom at the hospital and she shared the most unbelievable story with me and she said "you need to come asap!" Still in utter disbelief I got off the phone with her call Ole at work and told him what happened and he said "I am on my way home!" The next few hours are honestly a complete blur as I continued to get more and more information from my mom and it was not good. We tried to get me on a flight out of here but there was nothing available so I packed my bags and hopped in the car and headed south to Florida to be with my parents. You have no idea what a difficult drive that was. 12 hours of not knowing what was waiting for me and being scared to death of thinking that I was too late. I knew my mom wasn't telling me everything. . . I arrived in Florida at my parents house and within minutes we were on our way to the hospital. Seeing my dad like that was heartbreaking. Hooked up to so many machines and lifeless. I held his hand and gently spoke to him begging him to wake up and there was nothing. I knew in my heart if he could hear me he would have let me know and there was nothing...from there we spoke to his doctors and they gave us the report which no one ever wants to hear. He was gone and the machines were the only thing keeping him going but after all the tests they determined there was nothing to be done except turn off the machines. I was numb. I asked my mom if I could have time alone with my dad to say goodbye and she said I could do whatever I wanted. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I went to the hospital alone and sat with my dad, held his hand, kissed him gently on the forehead and told him how very much I loved him. Before I left, I asked him if he could give me a sign to let me know that he was okay and within minutes he was talking to me and I was listening. I left the hospital soaked in tears and arrived at my car and sitting on the hood of the car was a butterfly. Then on the way back to my parents house I had another very strange and otherwise unexplainable experience, but I knew it was my dad talking to me. The next few days are pretty much a complete blur as we made the final arrangements for my dad and carried out his wishes.
I'm back home now and kind of in a fog...I have moments where I am okay and then something will trigger a memory and I will fall apart. I so miss hearing his voice each and every morning at 7am when I used to call him to give him the morning report, a funny little thing that we started years ago because he loved hearing about all the activity and goings on at our house with his four grandkids which he loved dearly. Thankfully, I have an amazing family and they have been very patient and understanding while I continue to process and get used to my "new normal". Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.